I don’t want to be my old self again when I’ve forgotten the Guy above because of my wrath. I am afraid of myself being out of control again with my emotion. Although, I prayed to Him to give me wisdom and strength before I bent out of shape, I failed Him. I had this regret, “hindi ko na lang sana pinatulan”. I tried to deny the monster in me, but I couldn’t help it. Pinili kong manahimik at umiwas sa lahat ng naririnig ko, ’cause I know that it is the right thing to do. Pero paano kung mapuno ako sa katahimikan ko?

I know my friends out there know what I am talking about here. I’ve reached my boiling point yesterday because someone messaged me on Facebook using my ex boyfriend’s identity. I stop communicating with him for a long time. We’ve been together for how many years so I know that it’s not him. I said to stop messaging me but she didn’t. I know from the start who it is. There’s only one person that I know who will do this. I am not stupid, I know how to play this game. The fake account still keeps on sending me message, asking for the email address and password of the old FB Account that me and my ex boyfriend using when we’re still in the relationshipshit. How annoyingly that she’s forcing me to do so. To tell you honestly, after the break up with my ex, I did not bother to log in to that account, EVER AGAIN. I’ve forgotten everything so how could I? I keep on telling her off to stop pestering me but she keeps on asking the same question all over again and started saying things about me. I ask the fake account, “why were you asking?” and she said that she wanted to deactivate the account so people in their lives won’t be able to see it and they already have new chapter in their lives. And because of that account, they’re always arguing. Well who cares? I am much more cared about how me and my family gonna survive everyday, what clothes I am goin’ to wear, and how I am going to feed my cats. Are you serious with what you’re calling new chapter? If you have new chapter then you shouldn’t be get affected with the past, you shouldn’t be bother with an old account. You even accused me of ruining your relationship and my ex wasted how many years being with me. Do you really know what you’re talking about? In my entire life, I’ve NEVER think of getting involved with someone else’s relationship. In fact, I am more use to being cheated rather than being a mistress. Wasted my ex’s years of his life? How can you say that if I am the one who got fooled and being played with? You only know us but not our story. I was breathing in and out to calm myself. How much I tried not to say bad things and nasty words but I did. She ended up her message by saying GOD BLESS to me and I ended up our conversation by saying GOD BLESS YOU TOO FOR WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND”.

I know my ex is kinda bastard and a cheater but he never showed any disrespect even though we broke up. So I am sure that he’s not behind this. To YOU, you know and I know what you’re doing, nice try. And if you think that I shed a tear, you’re totally wrong. After what you’ve done, you only proved that I am a threat to your relationship and that makes me flattered. If I want to get my ex back, I already did but don’t worry, I am not gonna go back under his pants. Sorry not so sorry, for me you look desperate, insecure and living unhappy life. It’s funny how you’ve spent so much of your time bullying me. Why not make your self busy with other things rather than being busy with someone else’s life? What you were doing couldn’t stop me for being happy, a happy person.

This is why I am ignoring and not dealing with this kind of people because I am becoming a MONSTER whenever you hit my button. If you’re true and kind to my face then I will be. But if you don’t have any respect and do something bad about me, I’ll guarantee, I’ll be the same.

I once again prayed to God, to take away all my anger. To destroy and kill the monster in me and I am sure He’ll do. To YOU, I am praying that you’ll find peace and happiness that you don’t have.

I will end up this rant by saying thanks to all my friends and relatives who sent me message and ask if I am ok and to those who listen. You all know who you are and thank you for listening and joining the ride. I am lucky enough to have you all in my life. After this post, I am going to continue living my life to the fullest, chase my dreams and wear my my biggest smile.

💛

Lin

DOORBELL

Something happened yesterday. I still can’t get over about it so I decided to write this and share with y’all

It was around 7:00 am in PNG (5:00 am PH Time)when I received message from my sister(she’s in Philippines). I was wondering why is she emailing me early in the morning. I mean, it is not the usual time for her to wake up. I thought of like something happened and they wanted to inform me so I checked her message.

Her: “Ate”(big sister)

         “Someone door-belled at 2:00 am, midnight”.

         “I was scared so I sneaked and no one is there”.

I was worried on her first message and I thought of these things: The house where they’re staying is haunted like there’s a ghost something like that or a criminal trying to worm that house and they’ll get robbed. I felt a bundle of nerves whenever I think of what is happening nowadays(referring to PH). I was gonna ask her who might be doing it. But instead of asking her, I continued reading her message.

Her: “I checked the CCTV to find out who it was”.

I was actually expecting that she’ll mention a name. BUT…………

 Her: “……….and I found out that it’s a CAT”.


Hahahahaha, I died laughing because I imagined my sister that she did not get enough sleep. She woke up very early to review the CCTV and only to find out that a cat jumped in to the wall where the doorbell is. Just imagine that, hahahahah. Thanks to the CCTV, we discovered who the burglar is.

Now I know that the doorbell isn’t just for human but for cats too, hahahaha.

Ok case closed.

 

Lin

MY FIRST AND FAILED ATTEMPT ON VLOGGING

Back in 2005 when we don’t have our own computer in the house, I usually go and rent at the Computer Shop just few walks from our house. That’s also when Youtube got introduced to me and I always watch music videos of my favorite band/singer and at the same time, listening to the music. Back then, I also discovered vlog. I am sure that you are familiar with vlog or video blog. Vlog is recorded by blogger to intentionally deliver the information that they purposely introduce to people. It’s blogger’s way to express what they wanted to tell rather than just writing. It’s either product review vlog, “how to” vlog, travel vlog and make up vlog. Just few of my favorite vlogs that I usually watch on Youtube. I got fascinated by Vlogging and it is one of the things I wanted to do. I’ve always thought of that it would be super cool  if I have my own YouTube Channel. I got curious and I had conversation with a blogger friend who happen to share her a vlog recently and I asked,  “Is it easy to vlog?” she answered, “It’s just like talking to yourself”.  A question popped in my mind, “Am I really wanted to do this?”. To be honest, it’s not easy for me although I have experience in editing clips.  #1 I am not confident, I may look awkward on video, #2 I can speak English but not super fluent, I might struggle on delivering the script, #3 I am afraid of people, who will judge, criticize, and say negative things about my video and I don’t want it to happen. Those 3 things are holding me back. But why I don’t give it a try?

Just last weekend, I took photos for my Project #OOTD(see post here). But before taking photos, I put make up and thought of filming it. So I got my phone and set it up. While setting it up, I’m thinking of just taking a normal video or use time lapse. I decided to use time lapse so my video will be in fast motion and I’ll just add music on it. I’ve expected that my video will be in a normal speed but I was wrong. See how my video came up with.

 

It is totally fail, hahaha. From 20 minutes normal time of duration to 34 seconds. That was too fast and you wouldn’t even know how did I put the make up and what products I used. Although that it’s a failed attempt, I am still proud of it ’cause it reminds me that I’ve tried vlogging and I know in myself that this isn’t the last that I’ll try and explore it because, I’ve learn 3 things: #1Do not be afraid to fail, #2 It’s ok to fail but but never ever fail to try and  last, #3 Do not use time lapse, haha.

 

💛

Lin

TORTURED LOVE

I was the one who destroyed our relationship and you were the one who fucked up everything. You were my greatest love, both the brightest and the darkest part of my life and lived a tortured love.

I got lost and confused due to the fact that I have been attached to this love that I wasn’t able to forget. I keep questioning myself, “Is this love is finally coming to an end?”

I know that I’ve failed a thousands times trying to eliminate this love. But now, I am finally choking and killing this love inside me that I kept for so long. It’s completely time to go away and become the better version of myself. It’s time for me to move on once and for all .

THAT TIME


This photo taken back 6 years ago. Back when the only color I know is black – from my teased hair to thick eyeshadow up to my shirt either band tee or not as long as it is black. That time when I’m utterly depressed. That time when I prefer to be alone. That time when I feel that I’m inadequate of my worth. That time when I  hated the world. That time when I was in darkness. But those times had ended when the Lord God lead me out of that darkness into his wonderful light. From black to bright. From depress to joyous. From alone to being loved. From inadequate to adequate. From hatred to acceptance.

“The old has gone the new has come”.

2 Corinthians 5:17

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

This was originally posted by one of the blogger I am following, Pink for Days by Chiela(Hi there Cheila). I asked her if I can get permission to write similar to blog post she wrote here although she indicate on her post that we can share it to our blog but still I’ve asked. 

I participated on that post and I had opportunity to share Chiela more about me. I wanted to do the same with my readers as I would love to know more about them by answering the questions below.

Rules:

  • These questions should be answered in the comment section. But if you think that it’s too personal, you can answer privately send thru my email: linfranciarios@gmail.com.
  • You can answer them as topics or do a small text.
  • You can skip the ones you don’t want to answer.
  • You can think of this as a tag and do the same on your blog, to get to know your readers!!

So here goes the questions:

  1. What is your first name?
  2. Do you have a middle name?
  3. Can you tell me your age and birthday?
  4. Where in the world are you?
  5. What is your maternal language? What language do you speak at home? Do you speak any other languages?
  6. Are you married? If so, how many years? Did you have a big wedding?
  7. Are you single? Do you have a boyfriend? if so, how many years have you been together?
  8. Are you a mom or dad? How many babes do you have? Can you tell me their first names or nicknames and ages?
  9. What do you do for a living?
  10. What did you study in University? Did you attend?
  11. What’s your favorite book?
  12. What’s your favorite movie?
  13. What is your favorite band or artist?
  14. What is your favorite food?
  15. Do you have any hobbies?
  16. What sports/activities do you practice?
  17. Do you have any pets? Can you tell me their names?
  18. What time is it for you right now?
  19. Why do you blog?
  20. What do you love about blogging? Is there something you don’t like?

Here’s my answer in response with the questions so you’ll know more about me:

  1. What is your first name? – RONALYN – it’s actually my Dad and Mom’s combination name – RONALDO & JOCELYN 😄
  2. Do you have a middle name? Yes. It’s – – Francia
  3. Can you tell me your age and birthday? – I’m on my late 20s and my birthday is on 6th of December
  4. Where in the world are you? – I am from Philippines but currently residing in Papua New Guinea
  5. What is your maternal language? What language do you speak at home? Do you speak any other languages? – I speak our main language which is Filipino(Tagalog) and English too. But I want to learn Korean & Japanese language
  6. Are you married? If so, how many years? Did you have a big wedding? -No
  7. Are you single? Do you have a boyfriend? if so, how many years have you been together? – I am single, ready to mingle, bahahaha
  8. Are you a mom or dad? How many babies do you have? Can you tell me their first names or nicknames and ages? -No
  9. What do you do for a living? – I am working as Service Corporate Manager 3 years now
  10. What did you study in University? Did you attend? – I took BS. Business Management
  11. What’s your favorite book? What’s your favorite book?  – I’m not really into reading books(novel, fiction, romance, etc) but I can tell you that I love to read the Bible
  12. What’s your favorite movie? – I don’t have a specific favorite movie. I love watching movies means I have so many favorites, Lord of the Rings trilogy, the Hobbit trilogy, Marvel, The Mortal Instrument, & Disney Movies
  13. What is your favorite band or artist? – Paramore, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, 30 Seconds to Mars – Jared Leto, Incubus, Avril Lavigne, Bullet for my Valentine, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC – Justin Timberlake
  14. What is your favorite food? – Japanese Food, Burger, Pasta, Pizza, Tofu & Seafoods 🍝🍣🍢 🍔
  15. Do you have any hobbies? Sleeping? Hahaha. But I can say Blogging 😃
  16. What sports/activities do you practice? – Haha, I am not sporty but I love watching Basketball 🏀⛹🏻
  17. Do you have any pets? Can you tell me their names? – I had before and his name is Maro. But unfortunately, he died when I went home to Philippines last year. He’s a Cat 😿
  18. What time is it for you right now? Time to find love? Haha jk it’s 7:30 PM
  19. Why do you blog? – “Cause for me, blogging is my escape on sharing my thoughts and my love for cats, photography, fashion & traveling 
  20. What do you love about blogging? Is there something you don’t like? -What I love about blogging is you get to meet people around the world. They communicate by liking and get to react with your post. 

And additional, facts about me: 

  • I was a Hip Hop dancer when I was in High School. I was member of Now Girls Allowed dance crew. Oh my, I miss dancing, I’ll do this sometime. 
  • I know also most of the Disney songs.
  • I know how to do nail art

To all my readers, It would be great and I’ll definitely appreciate if you participate in this Get-to-know-you-questions. I want to know more about YOU who has been reading and interacting here in Crazy Cat Lady’s Diaries despite I’m not posting regularly. You’re all my inspiration to write more here on blog. Thank you to y’all

💛

Lin

MISSING IN ACTION

Usagi_tsukino_gif_123456.gif

For those who have been regularly reading my blog, you have probably noticed “again” that I’ve diminishing my blogging. I caged myself to commitments. I know that it has been almost a month and it is a big deal for me not to update my blog regularly. Now, I am here writing again for the sake of updating and to prove myself that I did not neglect this blog.

Why I’ve gone so long?

  1. Y’all know how I always been strenuous with work and the only time that I can take a rest is during night time. You’ll find me always sleeping as this is my escape to reality, loljk.
  2. I lend a hand to my sister on her online shop by sharing the stuffs she’s selling. And also, she got me by assisting and answering all buyer’s queries. Shout out to my sister, I should be paid by advertising her shop, haha.
  3. I am obliged to teach the kids(Kid’s Ministry in our Church) every weekends an interpretative dance that they’re going to present this coming Palm Sunday.
  4. I am attending workers meeting in our Church every Sunday and I was assigned as a committee in our up coming Family Camp that will be held on 14th -15th of April.

See how frantic my schedule was? As soon as #3 & #4 were both done, I’ll continue posting my Boracay Trip that I have on my draft. You know how a travel blog needs a detailed post. Also, I will be posting more stories with y’all.

Wishing all an amazing day!

Lin