I don’t want to be my old self again when I’ve forgotten the Guy above because of my wrath. I am afraid of myself being out of control again with my emotion. Although, I prayed to Him to give me wisdom and strength before I bent out of shape, I failed Him. I had this regret, “hindi ko na lang sana pinatulan”. I tried to deny the monster in me, but I couldn’t help it. Pinili kong manahimik at umiwas sa lahat ng naririnig ko, ’cause I know that it is the right thing to do. Pero paano kung mapuno ako sa katahimikan ko?

I know my friends out there know what I am talking about here. I’ve reached my boiling point yesterday because someone messaged me on Facebook using my ex boyfriend’s identity. I stop communicating with him for a long time. We’ve been together for how many years so I know that it’s not him. I said to stop messaging me but she didn’t. I know from the start who it is. There’s only one person that I know who will do this. I am not stupid, I know how to play this game. The fake account still keeps on sending me message, asking for the email address and password of the old FB Account that me and my ex boyfriend using when we’re still in the relationshipshit. How annoyingly that she’s forcing me to do so. To tell you honestly, after the break up with my ex, I did not bother to log in to that account, EVER AGAIN. I’ve forgotten everything so how could I? I keep on telling her off to stop pestering me but she keeps on asking the same question all over again and started saying things about me. I ask the fake account, “why were you asking?” and she said that she wanted to deactivate the account so people in their lives won’t be able to see it and they already have new chapter in their lives. And because of that account, they’re always arguing. Well who cares? I am much more cared about how me and my family gonna survive everyday, what clothes I am goin’ to wear, and how I am going to feed my cats. Are you serious with what you’re calling new chapter? If you have new chapter then you shouldn’t be get affected with the past, you shouldn’t be bother with an old account. You even accused me of ruining your relationship and my ex wasted how many years being with me. Do you really know what you’re talking about? In my entire life, I’ve NEVER think of getting involved with someone else’s relationship. In fact, I am more use to being cheated rather than being a mistress. Wasted my ex’s years of his life? How can you say that if I am the one who got fooled and being played with? You only know us but not our story. I was breathing in and out to calm myself. How much I tried not to say bad things and nasty words but I did. She ended up her message by saying GOD BLESS to me and I ended up our conversation by saying GOD BLESS YOU TOO FOR WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND”.

I know my ex is kinda bastard and a cheater but he never showed any disrespect even though we broke up. So I am sure that he’s not behind this. To YOU, you know and I know what you’re doing, nice try. And if you think that I shed a tear, you’re totally wrong. After what you’ve done, you only proved that I am a threat to your relationship and that makes me flattered. If I want to get my ex back, I already did but don’t worry, I am not gonna go back under his pants. Sorry not so sorry, for me you look desperate, insecure and living unhappy life. It’s funny how you’ve spent so much of your time bullying me. Why not make your self busy with other things rather than being busy with someone else’s life? What you were doing couldn’t stop me for being happy, a happy person.

This is why I am ignoring and not dealing with this kind of people because I am becoming a MONSTER whenever you hit my button. If you’re true and kind to my face then I will be. But if you don’t have any respect and do something bad about me, I’ll guarantee, I’ll be the same.

I once again prayed to God, to take away all my anger. To destroy and kill the monster in me and I am sure He’ll do. To YOU, I am praying that you’ll find peace and happiness that you don’t have.

I will end up this rant by saying thanks to all my friends and relatives who sent me message and ask if I am ok and to those who listen. You all know who you are and thank you for listening and joining the ride. I am lucky enough to have you all in my life. After this post, I am going to continue living my life to the fullest, chase my dreams and wear my my biggest smile.

💛

Lin

DOORBELL

Something happened yesterday. I still can’t get over about it so I decided to write this and share with y’all

It was around 7:00 am in PNG (5:00 am PH Time)when I received message from my sister(she’s in Philippines). I was wondering why is she emailing me early in the morning. I mean, it is not the usual time for her to wake up. I thought of like something happened and they wanted to inform me so I checked her message.

Her: “Ate”(big sister)

         “Someone door-belled at 2:00 am, midnight”.

         “I was scared so I sneaked and no one is there”.

I was worried on her first message and I thought of these things: The house where they’re staying is haunted like there’s a ghost something like that or a criminal trying to worm that house and they’ll get robbed. I felt a bundle of nerves whenever I think of what is happening nowadays(referring to PH). I was gonna ask her who might be doing it. But instead of asking her, I continued reading her message.

Her: “I checked the CCTV to find out who it was”.

I was actually expecting that she’ll mention a name. BUT…………

 Her: “……….and I found out that it’s a CAT”.


Hahahahaha, I died laughing because I imagined my sister that she did not get enough sleep. She woke up very early to review the CCTV and only to find out that a cat jumped in to the wall where the doorbell is. Just imagine that, hahahahah. Thanks to the CCTV, we discovered who the burglar is.

Now I know that the doorbell isn’t just for human but for cats too, hahahaha.

Ok case closed.

 

Lin

I MET JARED LETO

tfqF11501044428

I skipped work, prepared myself, hopped in to the car and headed to Thirty Seconds to Mars Concert. I was wearing 30STM shirt, denim ripped jeans and a pair of sneakers. I was bursting with excitement, like a kid on his first time in the carnival, I don’t know how to explain that feeling. Maybe it’s because I know that I will meet JARED LETO??Telling to myself, “Now I will have a chance to meet him and the rest of the band”.

I arrived at the concert venue late in the afternoon. I was nervous of going into the meet and greet, I might faint, lol. But this is my chance, so I waited patiently.

JLV-Tour-2017-Astana-Meet-001

After MARS spoke to us a bit, we lined up and to get our posters and CDs signed. Jared was rushing through autographs. Finally, it’s my turn to get mine signed. He looked at me with his ferocious blue eyes. I got star-struck and in cloud 9. He smiled and shook hands with me. My heart is pounding out of my chest and got me at a loss for words. ‘Come on Lin, this is your chance to talk to him” I whispered to myselfI did not have hesitations to talk to him and so I did:

Me talking to Jared:

“Thank you Jared for this amazing opportunity. I’ve waited for so long and it’s incredibly life experience meeting you and the rest of the band(Shannon and Tomo). You know what, I’ve wrote in my blog about you to tell people that I like you and who you are, I hope you read it. Can I have a photo with you?”

Jared responded “YES”.

I was crying because of happiness – tears of joy. I was like “Up in the Air” feeling. I got my camera, I am really close to Jared. I’m about to click the camera, I heard an alarm, and everybody is rushing and shouting, “Time’s up, the concert will start”. I was disappointed, they did not let me to at least have a short time to get a photo with Jared 😦

I opened my eyes and I found myself lying in my bed. The alarm that I heard is my phone reminding me that I need to get up. I realized that I was just only dreaming. “Damn, I thought it’s real, I thought it’s really happening. If I knew that I was only dreaming, I shouldn’t have woken up when I heard the alarm.”

It’s a funny story, hahaha I know and even though it “Was a Dream”, at least I got to meet Jared Leto. I always keep this in my mind that “one day maybe we’ll meet again”  cause I am going to “MAKE THIS DREAM A REALITY”.

Photo CTTO

Lin

MY FIRST AND FAILED ATTEMPT ON VLOGGING

Back in 2005 when we don’t have our own computer in the house, I usually go and rent at the Computer Shop just few walks from our house. That’s also when Youtube got introduced to me and I always watch music videos of my favorite band/singer and at the same time, listening to the music. Back then, I also discovered vlog. I am sure that you are familiar with vlog or video blog. Vlog is recorded by blogger to intentionally deliver the information that they purposely introduce to people. It’s blogger’s way to express what they wanted to tell rather than just writing. It’s either product review vlog, “how to” vlog, travel vlog and make up vlog. Just few of my favorite vlogs that I usually watch on Youtube. I got fascinated by Vlogging and it is one of the things I wanted to do. I’ve always thought of that it would be super cool  if I have my own YouTube Channel. I got curious and I had conversation with a blogger friend who happen to share her a vlog recently and I asked,  “Is it easy to vlog?” she answered, “It’s just like talking to yourself”.  A question popped in my mind, “Am I really wanted to do this?”. To be honest, it’s not easy for me although I have experience in editing clips.  #1 I am not confident, I may look awkward on video, #2 I can speak English but not super fluent, I might struggle on delivering the script, #3 I am afraid of people, who will judge, criticize, and say negative things about my video and I don’t want it to happen. Those 3 things are holding me back. But why I don’t give it a try?

Just last weekend, I took photos for my Project #OOTD(see post here). But before taking photos, I put make up and thought of filming it. So I got my phone and set it up. While setting it up, I’m thinking of just taking a normal video or use time lapse. I decided to use time lapse so my video will be in fast motion and I’ll just add music on it. I’ve expected that my video will be in a normal speed but I was wrong. See how my video came up with.

 

It is totally fail, hahaha. From 20 minutes normal time of duration to 34 seconds. That was too fast and you wouldn’t even know how did I put the make up and what products I used. Although that it’s a failed attempt, I am still proud of it ’cause it reminds me that I’ve tried vlogging and I know in myself that this isn’t the last that I’ll try and explore it because, I’ve learn 3 things: #1Do not be afraid to fail, #2 It’s ok to fail but but never ever fail to try and  last, #3 Do not use time lapse, haha.

 

💛

Lin

FANTASY

She lives in fantasy, in the world that so unreal. She believes in everything. In all that she see, in all that she hear, in all that she feel.

A Prince promised her of forever. She believes in it. In all that she sees, in all that she hear, in all that she feel. 

But it was only her imagination. There’s no Prince, the Prince was never there, he’s just a ghost. She believed in it, in all that she saw, in all that she heard, in all that she felt.

She escaped in this fantasy, world that is so unreal, full of lies and broken promises. She took her shovel and burried all what she believed in, what she saw, what she heard, what she felt.

“She’s now finally awaken from her FANTASY”

Photograph and HMU: Yours Truly

MUSIC MONDAY: HURRICANE(DIRECTOR’S CUT) THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS

Two weeks ago, I started a segment I entitled Music Monday where I can share you what song I am currently listening. Also, I didn’t mention in my previous post that this is also to share you a music video. I was about to blog last week but I got swamped with important things to do(I’ll discuss it on my next post). Ok so let us talk about today’s song.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that one of my favorite rock band is 30 Seconds to Mars. It is not a secret that I love Jared Leto. The band has been going for almost 20 years now. 30 Seconds to Mars is still 30 Seconds to Mars, unlike the other bands that has been disbanded and the lead vocalist goes solo. Well, I hope that they won’t end breaking up.

Hurricane is from their album “This is War” released in 2009. 7 years ago(2010) the music video was set to premiere on MTV but it has been banned on television due to violent and sex scenes. The explicit scenes are completely restricted(you can check out the censored version in my previous post here). And after 2 weeks of protesting, MTV allowed the full length video but it took years for Youtube to finally released the uncensored video. It’s just last week that Jared posted on Facebook that the video is finally out on Youtube so immediately checked on it and it will only allow 18 years old and above audience. So if you’re below 18, please do not attempt on watching it.

Here’s the video and song lyrics:

Credits to Vevo

HURRICANE | 30 SECONDS TO MARS

No matter how many times that you told me
you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took
you still couldn’t breathe
No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake
to the sound of the poison rain
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
Where did you go?

As days go by
the nights on fire

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash,
Burn, let it al burn
This hurricane chasing us all underground

No matter how many deaths that I die
I will never forget
No matter how many lies that I live
I will never regret
There is a fire inside that started a riot
and about to explode in flames
Where is your God?
Where is your God?
Where is your God?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to live a lie?

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash,
Burn, let it all burn
this hurricane chasing us all underground

The promises we make were not enough
(never play the game with me)
The prayers that we have prayed were like a drug
(never go to hit me here)
The secrets that we sold were never known
(never sing a song we sing)
The love we had
The love we had
We had to let it go
(never get it and again,
never get it and again)

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash
Burn, let it all burn
This hurricane chasing us all underground

This hurricane
This hurricane
This hurricane

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to live a lie?

In my own opinion, the song is meant for love relationship where the couple or in relationship people wants to break up ’cause they couldn’t work it out or fix their situation. It is not literally “to kill” but to killing their relationship gone bad. Hurricane refers to emotion that tear them apart. No matter how hard they tried, the two of them couldn’t keep their promises.  And in the end, the love they had for each other was not enough to save their relationship and it fell apart

Does anyone can relate with the song? I would love to know what can you say about it. You’re always welcome to leave comment on the comment box section. Hope you like reading today’s post and of course listening to the song.

 

Love,

Lin

PS: The video is directed by Jared my babe, hahaha.

MUSIC MONDAY : FORGIVENESS | PARAMORE

A suppose to be Monday post but I think that it is still ok to post this today(Tuesday here in PNG) ’cause it’s still Monday in other part of the world, so forgive me 🙂

I’ll start this series entitled “Music Monday” where I can share you what song  I am currently listening or I think I can relate with. I prefer listening to songs that I feel like it was written for me(yiihh) like this song I am going to share with you today.

I am sure that some of you know the band Paramore. If you’re a die-hard fan like me(hahaha) , you already knew that they release their 5th album titled “After Laughter”. After 4 years, finally they’re back and it is not only Hayley and Taylor are back in track. Former member drummer Zac Farro is now member again of Paramore. But I was quite sad that Jeremy Davis was gone. I don’t really know what exactly happen. But the band must go on, and they have to move on.

I am introducing you one of their song from the latest album “After Laughter”. Please click the play button and see the lyrics while listening.

Credits to Fueled by Ramen

FORGIVENESS | PARAMORE

You hurt me bad this time, no coming back
And I cry ’till I couldn’t cry, another heart attack
If I lay on the floor, maybe I’ll wake up
And I don’t pick up when you call
‘Cause your voice is a gun
Every word is a bullet hole
Shot a hole in the sun
If I never look up maybe I’ll never notice

And you, you want forgiveness
But I, I just can’t do it yet

There’s still a thread that runs from your body to mine
And you can’t break what you don’t see, an invisible line
If I follow it down would we just be alright?
But it could take me all your life to learn to love
How I thought I could love someone
I haven’t even begun
If it’s all up to us we might as well give up

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can’t give you that
(I can’t give you, I can’t give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing left)
But I, I just can’t do it yet
(I can’t do, I just can’t do it yet)

Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
No, it’s not forgetting
No, I’ll never forget it, no

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can’t give you that
(I can’t give you, I can’t give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing left)
But I, I just can’t do it yet
(I can’t do, I just can’t do it yet)

I find this song that can relate with my situation after receiving message from someone from the past. I’ve already let go of our love story after all the lies and heartache he caused. And now, he’s asking for forgiveness but I don’t think that he deserves it. I was so tough, and I can’t give yet what he wants. His sorry is not enough ’cause I got badly hurt. Call me selfish but I don’t care ’cause you’re not in my situation. Try to put yourself on my shoe. Maybe one day I’ll understand and maybe I just need time.

Hope you like the song