I don’t want to be my old self again when I’ve forgotten the Guy above because of my wrath. I am afraid of myself being out of control again with my emotion. Although, I prayed to Him to give me wisdom and strength before I bent out of shape, I failed Him. I had this regret, “hindi ko na lang sana pinatulan”. I tried to deny the monster in me, but I couldn’t help it. Pinili kong manahimik at umiwas sa lahat ng naririnig ko, ’cause I know that it is the right thing to do. Pero paano kung mapuno ako sa katahimikan ko?

I know my friends out there know what I am talking about here. I’ve reached my boiling point yesterday because someone messaged me on Facebook using my ex boyfriend’s identity. I stop communicating with him for a long time. We’ve been together for how many years so I know that it’s not him. I said to stop messaging me but she didn’t. I know from the start who it is. There’s only one person that I know who will do this. I am not stupid, I know how to play this game. The fake account still keeps on sending me message, asking for the email address and password of the old FB Account that me and my ex boyfriend using when we’re still in the relationshipshit. How annoyingly that she’s forcing me to do so. To tell you honestly, after the break up with my ex, I did not bother to log in to that account, EVER AGAIN. I’ve forgotten everything so how could I? I keep on telling her off to stop pestering me but she keeps on asking the same question all over again and started saying things about me. I ask the fake account, “why were you asking?” and she said that she wanted to deactivate the account so people in their lives won’t be able to see it and they already have new chapter in their lives. And because of that account, they’re always arguing. Well who cares? I am much more cared about how me and my family gonna survive everyday, what clothes I am goin’ to wear, and how I am going to feed my cats. Are you serious with what you’re calling new chapter? If you have new chapter then you shouldn’t be get affected with the past, you shouldn’t be bother with an old account. You even accused me of ruining your relationship and my ex wasted how many years being with me. Do you really know what you’re talking about? In my entire life, I’ve NEVER think of getting involved with someone else’s relationship. In fact, I am more use to being cheated rather than being a mistress. Wasted my ex’s years of his life? How can you say that if I am the one who got fooled and being played with? You only know us but not our story. I was breathing in and out to calm myself. How much I tried not to say bad things and nasty words but I did. She ended up her message by saying GOD BLESS to me and I ended up our conversation by saying GOD BLESS YOU TOO FOR WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND”.

I know my ex is kinda bastard and a cheater but he never showed any disrespect even though we broke up. So I am sure that he’s not behind this. To YOU, you know and I know what you’re doing, nice try. And if you think that I shed a tear, you’re totally wrong. After what you’ve done, you only proved that I am a threat to your relationship and that makes me flattered. If I want to get my ex back, I already did but don’t worry, I am not gonna go back under his pants. Sorry not so sorry, for me you look desperate, insecure and living unhappy life. It’s funny how you’ve spent so much of your time bullying me. Why not make your self busy with other things rather than being busy with someone else’s life? What you were doing couldn’t stop me for being happy, a happy person.

This is why I am ignoring and not dealing with this kind of people because I am becoming a MONSTER whenever you hit my button. If you’re true and kind to my face then I will be. But if you don’t have any respect and do something bad about me, I’ll guarantee, I’ll be the same.

I once again prayed to God, to take away all my anger. To destroy and kill the monster in me and I am sure He’ll do. To YOU, I am praying that you’ll find peace and happiness that you don’t have.

I will end up this rant by saying thanks to all my friends and relatives who sent me message and ask if I am ok and to those who listen. You all know who you are and thank you for listening and joining the ride. I am lucky enough to have you all in my life. After this post, I am going to continue living my life to the fullest, chase my dreams and wear my my biggest smile.

💛

Lin

MUSIC MONDAY: HURRICANE(DIRECTOR’S CUT) THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS

Two weeks ago, I started a segment I entitled Music Monday where I can share you what song I am currently listening. Also, I didn’t mention in my previous post that this is also to share you a music video. I was about to blog last week but I got swamped with important things to do(I’ll discuss it on my next post). Ok so let us talk about today’s song.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that one of my favorite rock band is 30 Seconds to Mars. It is not a secret that I love Jared Leto. The band has been going for almost 20 years now. 30 Seconds to Mars is still 30 Seconds to Mars, unlike the other bands that has been disbanded and the lead vocalist goes solo. Well, I hope that they won’t end breaking up.

Hurricane is from their album “This is War” released in 2009. 7 years ago(2010) the music video was set to premiere on MTV but it has been banned on television due to violent and sex scenes. The explicit scenes are completely restricted(you can check out the censored version in my previous post here). And after 2 weeks of protesting, MTV allowed the full length video but it took years for Youtube to finally released the uncensored video. It’s just last week that Jared posted on Facebook that the video is finally out on Youtube so immediately checked on it and it will only allow 18 years old and above audience. So if you’re below 18, please do not attempt on watching it.

Here’s the video and song lyrics:

Credits to Vevo

HURRICANE | 30 SECONDS TO MARS

No matter how many times that you told me
you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took
you still couldn’t breathe
No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake
to the sound of the poison rain
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
Where did you go?

As days go by
the nights on fire

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash,
Burn, let it al burn
This hurricane chasing us all underground

No matter how many deaths that I die
I will never forget
No matter how many lies that I live
I will never regret
There is a fire inside that started a riot
and about to explode in flames
Where is your God?
Where is your God?
Where is your God?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to live a lie?

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash,
Burn, let it all burn
this hurricane chasing us all underground

The promises we make were not enough
(never play the game with me)
The prayers that we have prayed were like a drug
(never go to hit me here)
The secrets that we sold were never known
(never sing a song we sing)
The love we had
The love we had
We had to let it go
(never get it and again,
never get it and again)

Tell me would you kill
to save a life
Tell me would you kill
to prove your right
Crash, crash
Burn, let it all burn
This hurricane chasing us all underground

This hurricane
This hurricane
This hurricane

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead or alive
to live a lie?

In my own opinion, the song is meant for love relationship where the couple or in relationship people wants to break up ’cause they couldn’t work it out or fix their situation. It is not literally “to kill” but to killing their relationship gone bad. Hurricane refers to emotion that tear them apart. No matter how hard they tried, the two of them couldn’t keep their promises.  And in the end, the love they had for each other was not enough to save their relationship and it fell apart

Does anyone can relate with the song? I would love to know what can you say about it. You’re always welcome to leave comment on the comment box section. Hope you like reading today’s post and of course listening to the song.

 

Love,

Lin

PS: The video is directed by Jared my babe, hahaha.

MUSIC MONDAY : FORGIVENESS | PARAMORE

A suppose to be Monday post but I think that it is still ok to post this today(Tuesday here in PNG) ’cause it’s still Monday in other part of the world, so forgive me 🙂

I’ll start this series entitled “Music Monday” where I can share you what song  I am currently listening or I think I can relate with. I prefer listening to songs that I feel like it was written for me(yiihh) like this song I am going to share with you today.

I am sure that some of you know the band Paramore. If you’re a die-hard fan like me(hahaha) , you already knew that they release their 5th album titled “After Laughter”. After 4 years, finally they’re back and it is not only Hayley and Taylor are back in track. Former member drummer Zac Farro is now member again of Paramore. But I was quite sad that Jeremy Davis was gone. I don’t really know what exactly happen. But the band must go on, and they have to move on.

I am introducing you one of their song from the latest album “After Laughter”. Please click the play button and see the lyrics while listening.

Credits to Fueled by Ramen

FORGIVENESS | PARAMORE

You hurt me bad this time, no coming back
And I cry ’till I couldn’t cry, another heart attack
If I lay on the floor, maybe I’ll wake up
And I don’t pick up when you call
‘Cause your voice is a gun
Every word is a bullet hole
Shot a hole in the sun
If I never look up maybe I’ll never notice

And you, you want forgiveness
But I, I just can’t do it yet

There’s still a thread that runs from your body to mine
And you can’t break what you don’t see, an invisible line
If I follow it down would we just be alright?
But it could take me all your life to learn to love
How I thought I could love someone
I haven’t even begun
If it’s all up to us we might as well give up

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can’t give you that
(I can’t give you, I can’t give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing left)
But I, I just can’t do it yet
(I can’t do, I just can’t do it yet)

Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
No, it’s not forgetting
No, I’ll never forget it, no

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can’t give you that
(I can’t give you, I can’t give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing left)
But I, I just can’t do it yet
(I can’t do, I just can’t do it yet)

I find this song that can relate with my situation after receiving message from someone from the past. I’ve already let go of our love story after all the lies and heartache he caused. And now, he’s asking for forgiveness but I don’t think that he deserves it. I was so tough, and I can’t give yet what he wants. His sorry is not enough ’cause I got badly hurt. Call me selfish but I don’t care ’cause you’re not in my situation. Try to put yourself on my shoe. Maybe one day I’ll understand and maybe I just need time.

Hope you like the song

TORTURED LOVE

I was the one who destroyed our relationship and you were the one who fucked up everything. You were my greatest love, both the brightest and the darkest part of my life and lived a tortured love.

I got lost and confused due to the fact that I have been attached to this love that I wasn’t able to forget. I keep questioning myself, “Is this love is finally coming to an end?”

I know that I’ve failed a thousands times trying to eliminate this love. But now, I am finally choking and killing this love inside me that I kept for so long. It’s completely time to go away and become the better version of myself. It’s time for me to move on once and for all .

THAT TIME


This photo taken back 6 years ago. Back when the only color I know is black – from my teased hair to thick eyeshadow up to my shirt either band tee or not as long as it is black. That time when I’m utterly depressed. That time when I prefer to be alone. That time when I feel that I’m inadequate of my worth. That time when I  hated the world. That time when I was in darkness. But those times had ended when the Lord God lead me out of that darkness into his wonderful light. From black to bright. From depress to joyous. From alone to being loved. From inadequate to adequate. From hatred to acceptance.

“The old has gone the new has come”.

2 Corinthians 5:17

IN LOVE WITH THE JOKER

“I concede that I’m in love with the green haired super villain, King of Gotham City, Joker” 

Ok, I’m just kidding here, hahahaha. I am talking about this guy who portrayed one of DC’s fictional character, Joker in Suicide Squad.

C T T O

Rock Star and Oscar Winner Jared Joseph “Jared” Leto popularly known as lead vocalist of the American Rock Band 30 Seconds to Mars. His first appearance as an actor is during early 90’s and I was just about 5, 6 or 7 years old that time. I don’t really know about him until I discovered his band, 30STM and started listening to “The Kill” song in early 2000’s.

There’s no doubt why I madly adore him. Why? Apart from his bearded good looks that always turns me on, he’s talented – actor, singer, song writer, musician and director rolled into one convenient sushi 😍 Should I ask for more? Hahaha. It’s totally amazing how he manage to act, sing, write songs and direct some of music videos for his band(see here). How crazy it’ll be if I tell you that he’s now 45 years old? I had this in my mind that he’s not human, but he’s a vampire ’cause he isn’t ageing at all(loljk). And also, this guy loves mountains, he likes hiking. So tell me now, how not to like Jared?

So back in being Joker, Jared shared on Instagram a photo of Joker with his hands on Batman and a knife on his throat. This seems a teaser or hint that The Joker will return. I like him as Joker a.k.a Mr. J although that it is the wierdest of all because of his grills and tattoos. If the Joker returns, I’ll definitely wait for that movie.

As a fan, I’m always hoping and dreaming that one day I’ll watch their concert, will meet him in person and have photo with him. If he ask me to go mountain hiking, I’ll come with him with no hesitations inspite I’m afraid of heights as long as I am with the one and only Jared Leto.

I am sure that all the ladies out there who likes him can relate on what I am trying to say here and sorry to others who cannot. I may sound crazy here but I don’t care. I just want to let out my feelings with Jared, hahaha. So whoever knew him personally, please let him read this post.

C T T O

💛

harLIN quinn

LIFE LESSON AND ADVICE

As I stumbled upon this post, I laboriously answered the questions based on my life experiences. Then I realized how I’ve gone through this-so-called life challenges and conquered them. I thought of blogging this so I can share this to you all.

Here’s my ala Beauty Queen Answer, hihi.

What my life has taught me?

  • The first thing that came into my mind is that LIFE taught me that there is no REWIND. You can’t go back on things that you’ve done and you’ve decide for. If you make a wrong decision, you have to ACCEPT the consequence whatever it is and LEARN from it. Do not REGRET, everything happens for a reason. BUT if there’s time machine and I have a chance to go back, I’ll go back to where I’ve done mistakes in my life and make it right.

 

What is the best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten?

  • This is from the movie Cinderella, “Have Courage and be Kind”. Having courage is being resistance to fear as you face your life challenges. It’s like a roller coaster ride. There are twists and turns, sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. If you know that you’re falling down, be brave enough to face it, enjoy the ride and your life will be easier. Kindness for me is one of the best trait you can share/show to everyone. If you’re good at heart, it makes you the most beautiful in the world no matter what you look like.
  • Do not find LOVE, let love find you. That’s why it’s called FALLING IN LOVE because you don’t force your self to fall, you just FALL.

 

What is some advice that I always follow?

  • My Dad always remind me to be kind, humble, have respect to elders and most especially have faith in God.
  • “Always Pray”. Prayer is the most powerful of all.

 

This post may be serious and dramatic to others but to think of it, it’s REALITY. If you’re feeling like you want to answer these questions, feel free to leave your answer on the comment box section. Let us exchange thoughts and I might learn something from your experience.

 

Love,

Lin